Wednesday, March 17, 1869

Dear Diary,

Having reviewed my previous entry, I find fault with my uncharitable reflections upon Miss Dragonash. I think I have been both too hasty and too unkind in my judgments on that lady. In fact, I am ashamed to own that my opinions smack of prejudice. Even amid my barrage of insults against the character of Miss Dragonash, I could not forbear calling her “a pleasant sort of creature” and noting that “She’s very kind and outgoing.” I failed to mention that she is, like me, a writer; that she agreed to assist me in my idea of setting up an RPG for the grand opening of my little shop; that she personally invited me to Mr. Wytchwood’s birthday celebration, or that we got along beautifully on said occasion. Equally worthy of mention is the fact that she disclosed to me the truth of her species the moment we met. Even so, I never felt ill at ease in her presence. Indeed, I quite enjoyed her company. I must admit to finding the story of her origin more intriguing than frightening and to listening with interest. My experience with her thus far has been positively delightful; I should never have lambasted her so, not even within the confines of my private diary.

Prejudice seems to be a flaw shared by all sentient, anthropomorphic species. I had used to consider myself above such folly, but no longer. Fear of vampires has led me to very ungraciously libel every one of their species as an evil, untrustworthy creature. But why should I express — or hold — such sentiments? Surely it is unjust to resent an entire race of persons merely because their constitution requires a specific sort of sustenance, be that sustenance what it may. Does the rodent resent the hawk? Does the mouse resent the cat? Moreover, do cattle, sheep, and most every other creature that walks or swims upon the planet resent humans? Perhaps they do, but go they not hungry, they are hypocrites for doing so. While I fear the bear who mauls a hiker or a shark who drags a sailor to his death, I do not hate them. I understand that they merely acted in accordance with their own natural urges. Obviously, I should extend that same mercy and consideration to Miss Dragonash and others of her species.

I have met many amazing humanoid and sentient creatures in the past several months. An incomplete list would include zombies, furries, tinies, tiny furries, mermaids, werewolves, nekkos, Navi, dragons, robots, shape shifting specters, and angels. The only two who have tried to eat me were zombies and shape shifting specters. In addition, one non-sentient animal attempted to fill its belly with my human flesh, that being an air kraken. In all of the above cases, I felt no animosity toward the creatures in question. In most cases, I found the representative of the species in question to be pleasant company. If my unfounded resentments of Miss Dragonash or other vampires reoccur in the future, I should remind myself of the fascinating diversity of life here on the grid and strive to extend to Miss Dragonash and other vampires the same courtesy, curiosity, and respect that I would wish to receive.

The second flaw that I am ashamed to have recorded in your pages, Diary, is one that I confessed to in my previous entry. Indeed, it is jealousy. When I look back, however, I see no cause for reproach. Although I believe that Mr. Wytchwood did appear quite partial to me, I was careful never to indicate any sort of reciprocity beyond the boundaries of friendship. Too mindful of my meager fortunes and my subsequent fallen position in society, I never encourage any man whose designs may extend too far. Nor did I  admit even to myself the feelings that had begun to develop for my charming friend. How could I, resolved as I am to live single? I cannot respectably marry a man worthy of my respect. Why, then, should I be unhappy that my friend has done the natural thing and married elsewhere? The answer is that I should be pleased for him. In the future, I shall endeavor to express myself so. In time, I may even feel myself sincerely glad for his happy match.

In truth, I believe I flamed out due to surprise more than either jealousy or prejudice. Conflicted by my own secret desires, I hid them with the assumption that I could at any time change my mind. When that security was so unexpectedly removed and I found the option of my friend’s more romantic sort of love forever revoked, surprise led to an uncharacteristically unguarded response. I never knew the strength of my affection until it was too late. Upon discovering that strength, my resulting heartbreak led immediately to ungenerous and undeserved remarks upon my rival. Now that I have had sufficient time to come to terms with my friend’s marriage and my own feelings on the matter, I regret the things I said against her. She is a fine woman and I should be very glad to be friends with her. My own selfish sadness need never be known.

Well, Diary, I believe this has been a good lesson for me. I am not yet fully reconciled to my reduced station. In my heart of hearts, I still have the desires and expectations of an heiress rather than those of a humble shopkeeper. If ever again I set my cap at a man, I shall own my feelings within the safe haven of your pages. In knowing my own heart, I may prevent pain and embarrassment. At the very least, I hope to react to said man’s romantic partnerships with more dignity than I have done as of late.

And thus resolves —

Your Spinsterish,

–Miss Palabra Puddlegum–

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